The days where you watch the sun pour in through the window and the shadows slowly shift across the room as the day passes by.  I’m sitting on the couch in my apartment… asking myself why it has taken so long for my restless spirit to sit and reflect.  I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now.  For some reason, I felt a “momentous” day was needed -but alas, Christmas, New Years, Family Day (an exclusively Albertan holiday), and even Chinese New Years, all came and went in the blink of an eye (apparently this is the frightening pace at which life takes when you’re not looking).  So here I am… plagued by the worries and cares of this world, wondering what pictures I should get enlarged for my wall, looking at the layer of dust that has collected on my bookshelf (not to mention all the books that I’ve been meaning to read) and I’m still finding it hard to be still.

Maybe it’s because I’m scared that if I stop and actually think… I’ll see the emptiness, the rottenness, the sin that dwells inside my heart.  Maybe because it’s easier to think about what I should put up on my wall then how my heart needs to change.  And so the battle continues… the war for my thoughts, my mind, my heart, my soul, to be made captive and obedient to Christ… to live my life for something greater… greater than the abundance of routine mundane tasks that life seems to carry.

We went out for lunch on Friday and a co-worker asked what my “dreams and aspirations” were for the year.  Sadly, I couldn’t answer.  I haven’t been thinking about these things… I’ve been too caught up in just the “to do” list to think.  Something always needs to get fixed or at least cleaned, a bill needs to get paid... and so the list of things that “need” to get done never seems to end.     

So here’s my one aspiration this year: to discipline my mind, my heart and my spirit to be still.  To be intentional about thinking… because, I think I realized how easy (and scary) it is to just live life void of thought, void of reflection… and ultimately, void of Christ, simply because there is so much “to do”.