Everyone needs one of these days.

The days where you watch the sun pour in through the window and the shadows slowly shift across the room as the day passes by.  I’m sitting on the couch in my apartment… asking myself why it has taken so long for my restless spirit to sit and reflect.  I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now.  For some reason, I felt a “momentous” day was needed -but alas, Christmas, New Years, Family Day (an exclusively Albertan holiday), and even Chinese New Years, all came and went in the blink of an eye (apparently this is the frightening pace at which life takes when you’re not looking).  So here I am… plagued by the worries and cares of this world, wondering what pictures I should get enlarged for my wall, looking at the layer of dust that has collected on my bookshelf (not to mention all the books that I’ve been meaning to read) and I’m still finding it hard to be still.

Maybe it’s because I’m scared that if I stop and actually think… I’ll see the emptiness, the rottenness, the sin that dwells inside my heart.  Maybe because it’s easier to think about what I should put up on my wall then how my heart needs to change.  And so the battle continues… the war for my thoughts, my mind, my heart, my soul, to be made captive and obedient to Christ… to live my life for something greater… greater than the abundance of routine mundane tasks that life seems to carry.

We went out for lunch on Friday and a co-worker asked what my “dreams and aspirations” were for the year.  Sadly, I couldn’t answer.  I haven’t been thinking about these things… I’ve been too caught up in just the “to do” list to think.  Something always needs to get fixed or at least cleaned, a bill needs to get paid... and so the list of things that “need” to get done never seems to end.     

So here’s my one aspiration this year: to discipline my mind, my heart and my spirit to be still.  To be intentional about thinking… because, I think I realized how easy (and scary) it is to just live life void of thought, void of reflection… and ultimately, void of Christ, simply because there is so much “to do”.

Post diss(ast)ertation

 Alas, my time in Cambridge has come to an end.  The past month has flown by… much like the past 9 months I have been here.  I’ve tried to write this post a couple times… and I don’t think there is any better way to describe the past few weeks, or conjure the appropriate sentiments other than through images.  The memories are vivid; the experience has been intense: the smiles, the laughter, the stress and the tears have been plentiful; the friendships made… hopefully long-lasting.  (Although after a discussion with a friend a few weeks back, I found that I'm the disillusioned sort when it comes to finding “pocket people” -the people that you take with you wherever you go.  We casually say “keep in touch” but (logistically) you know it simply cannot be reality -at least with the majority of those we meet… and so time tells who journeys with you to the end.)  For now, I just want to thank you for journeying with me in my time at Cambridge.  See you all soon.  I will try to post throughout my travels :)

Marching with purpose.

I watched March of the Penguins a few days ago. 

I couldn’t help but feel a little envious of the emperor penguins. 

Their lives are marked with such purpose, such direction:

march, find mate, produce egg, keep egg from freezing, see egg hatch,

then leave and repeat the process all over again. 

Ah, if life was only that *simple*.

I woke up this morning

I ran down the stairs and got my usual helping of cereal and milk… and bumped into a housemate from Malta who had just returned.  We sat down and ate our breakfast together.  He was relaxed, just wanted to chat… and so we did.  We caught up about our past month… Easter in Cambridge for me, Easter in Malta for him, discussed the latest love saga in our house, bantered a bit about life, love and happiness.  As we got talking, I thought that I should start preparing for lunch.  I moved our conversation to the kitchen, quartered my cherry tomatoes and sliced some green onions while he made some tea and we continued to chat.  Then, I ran through the events for the day in my head, and figured it was time to make my exit.  So after a polite end to the conversation (and an interjection of a possible lunch meeting)… off I went back to my room.  Two minutes later, I ran back down the stairs as I had to mail a letter and complain about the broken fan over our stove.  On my way out to the main college building, I saw him again sitting in the living room just sipping his tea.  He had strategically positioned his chair so that his face was in direct alignment with a sun beam streaming through the window.  When I returned from my errands, he was still sitting there, slowly leafing through the paper.

Jack Johnson’s Inaudible Melodies “slow down everybody… you’re moving too fast…” started playing in my mind as I ran up the stairs and thought that my friend had it all right: he was doing exactly what I wanted to do… just have a lazy morning.  But, my thoughts deceived me and the articles that needed to get read, the letter that had to get mailed, the maintenance request form had to be filled flooded my mind... and it made me wonder why we rush those days when we wake up with those inklings that “today should be a slow one”.  Duty-bound, we scurry off here and there, trying to make the most of our time.

We just studied Daniel 2 this past Monday at fellowship.  It amazes me how Daniel lived with such integrity despite being the minority, living in a blatantly godless nation like Babylon.  Even with all the attempts to assimilate Daniel and his friends (name change and an attempt to “re-educate” (a.k.a. brainwash) them (1:3-4,6)), he held on to God and wouldn’t compromise certain things that were important to him (1:8) right from the beginning.  In chapter 2 we see how the wisdom and knowledge given to Daniel by the Lord (1:17) is used for His glory.  So much so that the chapter ends with the King bowing down to Daniel and confessing that “Surely your God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries…” (2:47).  What an amazing story! 

A few things struck me about the story.  First, that we as Christians are the minority in this world… but how much do I look like the world… and how am I different?  What things set me apart?  Right now it’s exam time in Cambridge (for the undergraduates) and dissertation time (for the Masters students).  You can feel the stress and tension in the air as “quiet time” is in effect (restricted noise hours) in the colleges, the libraries are filled to the brim, people are walking one step faster and the streets are vacant at night.  I was challenged by Daniel’s example, to give my time to the Lord and not be so consumed by my studies.  As I thought about this morning I was reminded that I was no different than any other "efficiency obsessed" student constantly rushing about here and there with a never-ending “to do” list.  I wanted to slow down… and enjoy some of the finer moments that life had to offer… like breakfast with a friend and a nice cup of tea in the sun while slowly reading the paper.  No need to rush.  I could spend time enjoying the good things God had given to me for this day, and spend time with the people He has placed in my life and not feel guilty about it. 

The second thing that really struck me was that all knowledge and wisdom comes from the Lord.  Being here this past year, I think one of the biggest realizations that I’ve come to is how little I know.  There were often times where I’d feel overwhelmed by the breadth and depth of knowledge of everyone around me (it seems like everyone here is so well read and well travelled).  Scientists know about philosophy and art, and arts students aren’t oblivious to the workings of the science world.  Cross pollination of knowledge between these disciplines seems to occur so much more than back home!  And it’s easy to get caught up in pursuing knowledge… for the sake of knowing.  But, as seen in Daniel 2, God clearly gifted Daniel with knowledge, wisdom and understanding for His greater purpose.  It was always about that fulfilling that purpose.  It was never about Daniel himself acquiring more and more.

So I have two requests.  First, if you could pray that I might be a different kind of student this last term despite sometimes feeling like I’m a teeny weenie grain of rice that’s been dropped into a pressure cooker making a big vat of congee.  Pray that I’d be a strong little grain of rice and not made into mush ;)  Second, pray that I would trust in the Lord as the source of wisdom, knowledge and understanding… and lean not on my own very, very limited understanding of things.

Alrighty, that’s all for now!  I’ll leave you with some random pictures from the past little while.  Enjoy!

L-R: Natural History Museum (NHS), London -*beautiful building*; NHS ceiling; NHS ecology exhibit

NHS earth sciences exhibit -taking an escalator into the earth's core!; View of St. Paul's Cathedral from underneath Millennium bridge; Church in Barcelona

Spring in Spain; Roof of Gaudi's La Pedrera; Gaudi's La Sagrada Familia

Gaudi's Park Guell; Jamon obsessed Spain; Clare Jazz in the Cellars, Cambridge